


Crazier Things

by sasageyowrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasageyowrites/pseuds/sasageyowrites
Summary: The love letters between you and Levi after he`s in an arranged marriage.
Relationships: Levi/Reader
Kudos: 20





	Crazier Things

**Author's Note:**

> Uploaded from my Tumblr sasageyowrites. song fic based off the song Crazier Things by Chelsea Cutler ft. Noah Kahan

Levi x reader

This is a song fic based mainly off the song Crazier Things by Chelsea Kutler ft. Noah Kahan.

Bonus points if you spot other song lyrics in there too

Disclaimer: I don’t own AoT other wise I wouldn’t be stressing over my exams I’d be vibing with my pools of cash. I don’t own the GIF below or you which should be obvious.

The notes are written with months in between them, it spans across roughly two years. I couldn’t be bothered to do the math it just sounds about right

Warnings: nothing much, sexual references, mentions of death, mild angst

Please don’t repost, 

…

To my dearest Levi,

I’ve been trying not to think about it I can’t help it.

I know you don’t want to hear from me but I am selfish, it kills me inside you can get married and not even say goodbye. Is that how you end a five year relationship? With a cold shoulder and leaving me in heartbreak?

It amuses me you move on so easily from someone that you once called home, I wish you had enough discipline for the both of us just because I don’t know how to turn off the way I feel. It’s torture being in love especially with you, I know the marriage wasn’t your fault and I know that it was what was best but I can’t help but resent you for it.

You always fell out of love so easily but honestly I don’t think you ever had something real. Until you met me. I hope she becomes your everything the way I was. I still remember meeting you, you looked so pretty I think I fell in love before I even knew your birthday, you kissed me on our first date remember? Somehow I knew someday this would hurt because I could never let you go.

And now you’re gone. I know you well enough to know that you aren’t likely to write me back, I think you would want to cut any tethers with me and try to live your life. I can’t blame you but I need you to know I have nothing here without you. I love you, I know I always will even as the years pass by, you’ll always be mine.

I’ll spend my whole life missing apart of me. I’ll spend my whole life hoping your heart is free.

Yours always,

(Y/n)

…

To my brat,

I wasn’t going to write you back you were right, I was hoping to sever all form of contact so I could avoid any pain your written words would give me, but even miles apart I can’t say no to you.

I’ve been trying not to think of this as something tragic. Our two paths might cross again crazier things have happened, but then I realised lightning strikes just once not twice and shooting stars are burning rocks. You’re old enough to know that all those fairytales you read when you were a kid are just that: a fairytale.

I fear to say there is no happy ending, at least not for us.

I spent weeks inside drowning in these dreams of mine for our own future together. I spend my days wishing I was worth your thoughts.

I wish you had enough discipline for the both of us just because I don’t know how to turn off the way I feel and I know I will fight everyday to see you. I know you always fell in love so easily but I don’t think you’ve had something real. Until you met me.

I wish it was you I get to spend the rest of my life with but things never go the way we plan. The military police is as dull as you’d expect, full of spoilt and incompetent dumbasses. I never thought I would long to be back in the Survey Corps when I first left the underground but now years later, I do. More then anything I want to come home to you. You are my home (y/n), don’t say otherwise.

I know you understand why I did what I did, marrying this woman will help join the walls closer together. This marriage may have helped lots of people, but this is the first time I think I’ve ever hated saving anyone.

I miss you everyday brat don’t forget that. You better me missing me too.

I can still see the look on your face as I got in the carriage to leave with my bride, seeing you broke my heart and if I could have spared a final moment with you I would have. I wanted to say goodbye but I saw you standing in the crowd and you looked so beautiful. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think of just making a run for it there and then, take our chances in the underground or outside the walls. But what kind of a life is that? You deserve better then to be on the run.

But at the wedding when I saw you looking so breath taking…I think I fell in love with you all over again. You were the most beautiful woman in the world that evening and it took all my self control not to walk over to you and claim you. It must have been hard for you to attend the wedding and I’m sorry for the pain it caused you, but I was glad you came. I needed my best friend there.

You’re were only my partner but my best friend, you should know that.

I never meant to hurt you the way that I did.

Yours forever, Levi

…

My lovely Levi,

I could see the hesitation on your face when and it took all of me not to object right then and there.

Do you not dream of me? Because I have visions in my sleep of you and I wake up in tears, Hange is trying her best to help but its effortless. Nothing she does can make me ever stop the constant agony I feel, the HQ is no longer a home for me. Your ghost haunts the corridors and I except you to be sat in your office or to walk into the diner and you aren’t there.

Do you wake up with all the feeling aching in your bones? My heart ache has numbed my soul and I know I’m depressed no matter how many times I say I’m fine. My body aches from the anger I have, I exhaust myself in training because I no longer have you to do it for me. I long to have you bed me again and again, I can’t do things for myself the way you could. Do you feel the same?

Or are you happy with out me now? Living in Wall Sina with a wealthy wife and being the head of the Military Police must be luxurious. I can imagine you drinking endless cups of tea from the stress, I hope you are looking after yourself especially now that I’m not there to berate you for your poor sleeping patterns.

I still remember the first time that you told me, you thought that you loved me in that bar in the city. I thought you were drunk but I knew deep down that you meant it, your eyes seeemd to glint with something I couldn’t recognise other then your affection.

Silver is still my favourite colour, you can thank your beautiful ireses for that. Your eyes are my favourite part about you, you can see the person you really are through them.

You were the last to admit your affection but I waited for you, I would always wait for you. But now I know that waiting will do no good, like you said this isn’t a fairytale.

I have met a kind man in the Garrison, he takes me out some nights and it’s nice to have that companionship again. Nothing has happened yet but I know he wants things to progress, he knows I had a lover before but I don’t think he knows it was you. Otherwise he wouldn’t have even tried with me. Although I still love you deeply I hope you can understand my want for another man even if it’s not you, I think he wants to marry me but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet.

Part of me wants to come and find you but I know that you are married even if it wasn’t your choice. I had planned a future for us Levi, but I know your responsibilities come first. I just wish you had the initiative to say no when it came to your own happiness, maybe you could have kept me.

Keep in touch,

Your girl,

(Y/n)

…

My dearest brat,

I meant what I said that evening in the bar. You know now that I can hold my liquor very well as you may recall so me telling you I loved you was not a slip of the tongue. You know I truly meant it.

I can’t say that I’m pleased with your new found relationship but it’s been just under a year I suppose I’m not in any position to criticise, I’m glad you are allowing yourself happiness. I want you to know that although I’m letting this happen it doesn’t mean I’m ok with it, as far as I’m concerned that bastard man, is a fill in for me and it’s my name you’re calling out when he’s with you. Don’t tell me it’s not true because I do the same, I call your name in the night.

I see you in my sleep too, I moan your name as my mind plays it’s cruel tricks, my body craves your fingers to run through my hair like they always did when ever I was distressed. You were the only person I could show my weakness to.

What I wouldn’t give to hear you whisper my name, your body writhing beneath me. You did things to me that no other woman could ever dream of. I love you.

Don’t push yourself too hard in training though idiot, I’m sure you remember the accident we had last time. When that happened I had never been so scared, when your gear snapped and I saw you fall you’re lucky I was there to catch you.

The first time you said you loved me was after my recovery from that one shitty expedition and my gear malfunctioned sending me flying into you. You were so relieved I hadn’t died you professed your feelings for me then and there infront of everyone. I had always wanted you in my life, to let my feelings for you loose but I was scared to let it happen but it happened. I don’t regret it.

As much as I had hoped to grow old with you, you have a right to know my wife is pregnant. I don’t know how I feel about it, but I know I would rather it be you carrying my brat then the woman who is now. She’s a wonderful person but she isn’t you, the child she’s carrying I don’t think I will ever love. Not really, how can I love something that ties me into a relationship I never asked for?

I understand if you don’t write to me anymore, but you should also know that your letters to me are the only thing that gives me life now. I’m thinking about you everyday, I can still hear your voice I haven’t got any choice but to replay my memories of better days with you.

I’ll go my whole life missing apart of me.

Sincerely yours,

Levi

…

My darling,

They promoted me to captain. I’m writing this letter from your old office but I don’t know how long I can last before I break down into tears. This office was once my favourite place in the world, besides our bed, I could sit watching you fill out those damn reports for hours just quietly talking. This office was our safe space, we could shut the rest of the world out and steal our own time back. I don’t have you here with me but I at least I have the memory.

I loved listening to you talk, you always had something interesting to say. I’m sitting where you sat and all I can feel is my heart breaking, this room holds my best memories of us together and nothing can replace that. This office is empty and cold, it isn’t the same but I will kept it as clean as I can, I haven’t let any dust build up I intend to keep this work space so clean it will even impress you.

I hope your wife is healthy and well. I hope you can love your child as much as it hurts. It’s your baby and you can’t neglect it, for me please try to care about your baby even if it isn’t mine.

You should know I am now crying as I sign my name. The things you do to me Levi Ackerman.

Yours forever and always,

(y/n)

…

My dearest (y/n),

I’m pleased it’s you in that office and not four eyes, she would have destroyed it with one of those experiments of hers. I came to really enjoy that office, you’re right it was our safe space. I always knew you would achieve a high rank in the Corps, I may not have said it enough but you are a skilled soldier. Please, look after my men for me.

I still remember every late night we spent in that office together, I know I’m an unfaithful husband for writing these monthly letters and if it were up to me these letters would be daily but I’m prohibited. Your handwriting is the only proof that you are still out there and I’ve kept every single one.

Leaving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and you should know I’ve almost walked out a few times to find you but now my wife has fallen ill. The doctors say she most likely won’t survive the birth, I hate to say that apart of me is relieved, she isn’t happy with me I don’t blame her. So maybe this is an escape for both of us, I still hope she comes out of it alive so the baby won’t have just me as a parent but it’s looking like the kid won’t survive either.

She told me the baby isn’t mine, (y/n). I wanted to hurt her in a moment of weakness for her selfishness, she was the one thing keeping me from you and now this other man’s baby is keeping me away from you too. I won’t expose her, it wouldn’t really matter she’s on deaths doorstep.I can’t go anywhere, the real father has upped and left. I feel obliged to stay with the brat if it does survive. Maybe I can be like Kenny and look after someone else’s problem.

I wish I could see you. Not being with you everyday has done things to me that I can’t even begin to explain.

Yours, Levi

…

To my Levi,

I’m married now.

Happily married. I think. It’s unclear really because when I’m with my husband I feel fine, it’s only when I’m alone I cry and think of you. I’ve taken up more expeditions outside the walls, my kill streak must surpass yours now, if we ever meet again we should spar like we used to. My husband fears I’m overworking myself, it’s like I’m you and he is me. I used to beg you to take breaks too.

My husband is an excellent man, he makes me laugh in ways I thought I never could ever again since you left me behind. He has the most amazing smile and he’s transferred from the Garrison the the Corps. He looks after me and when we are ready, he will make an amazing father, I see him playing with the local children and it fills my heart.

But I know there is something missing, a hole I can never fill because you’re not there to fill it.

I see you behind my closed eyes, I have a cruel mind and it shows me my memories of you and I. Our stolen kisses, the late nights spent doing paperwork in each other’s company, taking the horses out for long treks for the day and making love under the stars. I wish I could say I was a faithful wife, my husband truly deserves better I can see it in his eyes how much he loves me. He promises to give me the world.

How can he, when you are my world?

I’m truly sorry that your life has gone this way my love. You really didn’t deserve it and I don’t know what else to say I’m angry for you, for us. I hope this letter brings you some comfort to know that there is someone here for you. That baby will still need someone to care and provide for it no matter your opinion, you’re better then Kenny you won’t abandon it.

You should also know that I almost said no at the alter, I wanted to run and come drag you away with me. Is that why you faltered at your own wedding? Were you thinking the same thing about me? I wonder.

Good news, I’m coming to wall Sina for a strategic military meeting. My position as captain means I’m obliged to go and I can’t wait. It will fun to catch up with you although I am nervous, it’s been two years since I’ve seen you. I suppose I will have to find out for myself the man you have become.

I hope to see you there.

Forever yours,

(Y/N)

…

My (y/n),

When you came to Wall Sina and I saw you, you should know that my heart stopped. It took all of my control not to run towards you and steal you away, you haven’t aged a day my love and if it weren’t for the wedding ring on you finger and the crowd of people, I would have kissed you right there. Of course you already know that my wife and her baby died which I can’t help but be thankful for as harsh as it is, I couldn’t have given her son a good life. I’m sorry I suggested you divorce and come be with me. I know you love your husband very much and I overstepped.

I could see it in your eyes though, that you’re still in love with me.

To have you in my arms again was all I could ever ask for, it was as if nothing had changed. Two years apart and we can still talk as if nothing has ever been misplaced, I still have your body imprinted into my every thought. You’re perfect you know. Every curve and every scar you have is beautiful, I’m jealous your husband can have that to himself more then me, I only have myself to blame.

I’m assuming you won’t be telling your husband what happened in my bedroom not that I agree, but I won’t be saying anything. You make me the happiest I could ever be and it took all of me not to break down in front of you. How did it get this fucked up? I was so sure by this time in our lives we would be raising our own brats and be married, it hurts to think about.

When you stayed over for the night you made me feel something other then my own self pity. A selfish part of me wants you to come back. Having you with me in such an intimate way again makes me shiver with anticipation at your next visit.

I actually miss my cadet days when life was easier and I was getting to know you. I can’t believe you went from being just some girl, to being my whole world. I didn’t know you, I was a one man army and now you’re my life line. How does a stranger walk into my life and change what I thought it meant to be alive?

I still remember seeing you for the first time, I thought at first you were just another prestigious brat but you proved me wrong, you’re good at that.

We were both in the cadets together and I remember how much Isabel liked you, she thought you and I belonged together you know. I still recall throwing my fist at Farlan who said he wouldn’t mind having you on his arm and in his bed. I don’t think you knew about that, he told you he got his black eye from a cupboard door. We joked about it later of course, I could never stay mad at Farlan for long.

You had always been so patient with me especially when my brother and sister died. I can’t thank you enough for being my anchor.

Yours, Levi

…

My darling Levi,

I’m pregnant.

I know it’s probably not the best way to put it, but I know you prefer people to be more direct.

I found out three weeks after I returned from Sina. My husband is so overjoyed I don’t have the heart to tell him the child I’m carrying is yours, I fear he might lash out in anger but I know he would never do that to me. I know that I should tell him, otherwise I’m no better then your wife and I realise it’s not fair to keep him with me if I’ve been unfaithful. I’m more confused then ever Levi and if I didn’t love you so damn much I would have stopped writing a long time ago, your addicting and I need your words.

I do remember Farlan having a black eye but I didn’t know that was you, had I known at the time I would have smacked sense into both of you.

I loved Isabel, she always tried to braid my hair because hers was too short, or she’d get me to help her sew the holes in her clothes she got, when she climbed those trees that were in the nearby fields. I was aware that she thought you and I should be together, she would always try to set us up. I must admit she was very crafty at times but she was so happy when we came out about our relationship, I can still see her smug grin. I can’t imagine what she would be like now knowing that I’m carrying your baby, she would probably have a heart attack and knowing Farlan he would have taken you out for drinks at that bar nearby that you hated to love.

I know I wasn’t as close to them as you were but I was stricken by their deaths they both seemed invincible. I couldn’t bare to see you grieve alone so I stayed with you, why wouldn’t I? You don’t have to thank me for it.

I’m going to try to visit again at some point. We need to talk about this face to face, I aim to be down within the next month. We can discuss our options.

I’m happy this baby is yours Levi.

Love (y/n)

…

My love,

Divorce him. That’s all I ask for. When you left after your second stay and you took our baby with you I felt myself break. I long to run my hand over your small bump for the rest of your pregnancy, it makes me furious that you allow your husband to do that same when it’s not his to touch.

That baby is mine and I want to be apart of its life. I can’t be the secret sire to what is rightfully mine call me possessive I don’t care. I want the world to know I helped create what you’re carrying.

Please, if you cared for me or your husband you will divorce him and come with me. I can transfer back to the Survey Corps, Erwin has already offered me a higher position then captain, which I will only take if you want me to. I don’t want to make things even more fucked up, otherwise I’ll stay in the capital with the Military Police.

You’re right Farlan would have taken me to that damn bar, he always found any excuse to go out. Isabel would have tried to make shitty baby clothes that I would have to pretend to like. Those two would have been the best uncle and aunt, I suppose four eyes and eyebrows have big shoes to fill.

But please, visit with the baby at some point when it’s born.

Yours always, Levi

…

My Levi,

The divorce is in progress, it has been for a while now. I told my husband the baby isn’t his and my god I have never felt so cruel. Am I the devil? I must be if I can cause so much pain to a soul as good as his. He’s leaving the Corps and transferring back to the Garrison, I haven’t heard from him since and guilt still eats away at me.

You don’t need my permission to rejoin the Corps it’s your choice, although I would be elated if you did. I know Erwin said it would take quite a few months before all the paper work was filled out and you can return, by the time you come back to me the baby will be born. And then we can be happy, together.

I’m getting bigger everyday and apart of me hates the sight of it, I miss my flat stomach and being able to bend over, I miss the sight of my feet too. Although it won’t be long before I’m back to normal. It’s still early in the pregnancy but I can feel the baby moving, I won’t lie I freaked out first I thought there was something very wrong. But after a while I realised, that is our baby and it’s already a fighter, if only you could have felt it Levi I know your usual frown I fell for would have been wiped clean.

I haven’t been in ODM gear for a long while I actually miss coming back from expeditions, I feel so useless watching my fellow subordinates risk their lives. For now though, I’m stuck in our office doing endless paperwork getting cadets to do small jobs for me.

Hange is trying her best to keep me entertained and Erwin is very caring, he always asks if I’m ok and tells everyone to give me room when I walk even though I’m only three months in. I think he’s afraid I might get pushed over or that the smallest thing will harm our baby, he won’t even let me drink coffee anymore. It’s funny, it’s almost as if he’s the father (I promise you he isn’t). It would be easier if you were here to see for yourself, but I suppose I’m just grateful you’re coming back to me.

Maybe both of our lives can get a little better with each day that passes.

You don’t know how excited I am Levi to see you and our kid.

I love you.

Yours (y/n)

…

My loving brat,

Not long now before I can come home and see you and the baby. I should be returning in the next two months, the baby should be about five weeks old by then.

Tell Eyebrows I can’t thank him enough for taking care of you, but if he wants to play the role as father he’s going to have to go through me. I’m glad someone is looking after you, I know how stupidly reckless you can be.

Tell Hange if she does anything stupid enough for a Hange to do, I’ll make sure she doesn’t walk for a week, you’re reckless but shitty glasses is just an idiot, I don’t trust her around you enough to not be concerned. But also thank her for keeping you company for me, I appreciate it. Don’t tell her I said that.

I long to be by your side during the birth but I’m afraid I still have duties over here to attend to. The idiots I overlook can’t gona day without fucking something simple up.

I have sent one of my own personal doctors down to help aid the birthing process, he’s the best in his field so I trust you are in good hands. Please don’t worry about payment I have it covered, I know how financially independent you are but for God’s sake let me pay for this one. I only want the best for you and the baby.

I’ll be there soon.

Yours always, Levi

…

My lover,

You’re a father.

I gave birth to twins Levi. A girl and a boy.

The birth was exhausting and I screamed for you the whole night, I have never been in so much pain and I might have to buy us some new bedsheets. Hange and Erwin were by my side the whole way through they were so amazing, Hange assisted the doctor you sent and Erwin was by my head the whole time.

You should give Hange more credit for her science she knew exactly what to do. We both owe them a huge debt.

I almost broke Erwin’s hand when he gave it to me to hold. He said he was fine but I still feel awful, so we might have to help with his own paperwork for a while. Please, don’t get me pregnant for a long time, I can’t go through the pains of carrying another baby anytime soon.

The doctor you sent was a miracle, although Hange tried to take over a little bit he was incredibly skilled with making the delivery easier. I can’t let you pay for all of it so I chipped in, I know you won’t agree with that but it’s done, so I’m asking you to shut up now before you give me an earful later.

Oh but Levi, the boy looks so much like me it’s almost scary, he has my hair and eyes but your sharp jaw. His name is Harry, after my grandfather, I’m sure you remember me telling you about him. Harry’s a restless little brat, as you would so affectionately say, he’s always trying to kick people. Love, he has so much life in him it’s exhausting. I think you’ll have fun with him Levi he’s a handful.

His sister is quieter, she’s the spitting image of you Levi. Her hair is blacker then night and her eyes are charcoal grey it’s mesmerising, she’s so tiny though I was scared she wouldn’t make it. I suppose Kenny would call her a runt like he did to you but she’ll get stronger, just like her father. She’s beautiful Levi. Your daughter will break a lot of hearts.

Hange keeps trying to steal the babies from me, she’s so in love with them and Erwin says they both already have positions in the Corps when they come of age, if they want it. Everyone loves our children Levi, Moblit keeps trying to pull Hange away she won’t leave them alone. I’m afraid they will become spoilt.

I hope you will love them too.

We all look forward to your return

Love from (y/n), Harry and Kuchel xx

…

To all three of my brats,

When I received your letter I had prepared for the worst, I had invisioned myself tearing open this later only to be grieving after reading it.

Fuck, the smile that spread across my lips was unlike anything I had shown anyone before, my men thought there was something very wrong with me and I told them I was a father, they wanted to take me to a shitty local bar, I gave them thirty laps for it. That’s Farlan’s job.

I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, I wish it was my hand you almost broke and not Eyebrow’s, but beggars can’t be choosers.

I’m relieved everyone is healthy and alive especially you (y/n) I know how traumatic child birth can be, our medicine is so un advanced I’m surprised anyone survives to adult hood.

Kuchel is appropriate I think, I’m pleased you chose it for our daughter, if she’s as beautiful as you say she is I might have to keep an eye on her I know what boys are like.

Harry sounds like a little shit who I know I will keep in line, but I also know he’ll make me laugh the way his mother does. Just from reading your letters about him I know he’s going to be as mischievous as Isabel which will be a pain the ass, but I already love him for it. I can’t wait to raise them with you.

I’m almost home, I’m writing this from a hotel half way between Wall Sina and Wall Rose. I should be with you by the end of the week so this will be our last letter. Our children sound like the most amazing pair of brats, I know I will love them as much as I love their mother. Tell shitty glasses to stay away from my spawn though, I don’t want one of them to be used as a lab experiment.

I plan to marry you (y/n) as soon as I get back, you’re going to be my wife like we had always planned and live with our brats. We can be how we had always wanted, we can teach Harry and Kuchel everything we know. I bet you’re an amazing mother, I only hope I can come half as good as you with the twins.

It’s late but I can’t sleep, I’m too anxious. This shit shouldn’t have worked out how it did, but I’m glad it is what it is. Even though it meant breaking your heart to get there and two years of misery for both of us things are looking up.

I will be with you and the babies soon. I already love them more then anyone ever could love something.

I love you, I always have. Two years and I haven’t stopped thinking about you, I promise to never leave you again.

Perhaps I was wrong, perhaps life is a fairytale.

See you soon.

Yours, for the last time

Levi xx

…


End file.
